The Amazing Yehak and The Mysterious Conrad
by mausoleum maiden
Summary: The story of Yozak trying to confess his love to Conrad and the pitfalls along the way! Romance/Comedy/Horror at Gunter's weird revelations
1. Chapter 1: Lovesick Yozak

The Amazing Yehak and the Mysterious Conrad

It was a sunny day in New Makoku or Shin Makoku, depending on what Shinou had decided it was called that day, but all was not well regarding the hearts of the inhabitants. In the Maou's office (a.k.a that random room with the desk in front of the window where Yuuri occasionally signs papers and Gwendal sits and frowns), Yozak lay on a plush divan, his fiery hair gleaming in the sunlight, Gwendal, Wolfram, Yuuri and Günter standing around him. Conrad is nowhere to be seen.

"Yozak, why is your hair so shiny today? It's blinding me!" Yuuri complains, shielding his eyes.

"I borrowed Günter's demon-banishing shampoo to entice Conrad. Why don't you love me?!" Yozak screeches, bursting into tears.

"Don't worry Yuuri," says Wolfram enthusiastically "wear these sunglasses. Look – I have a pair too! Now we match!"

Wolfram passes a pair of Bob-style shades to Yuuri and puts on an identical pair himself.

"Wolfram, we're married now – you can stop trying to force me to wear the same hat or glasses as you due to some perverse notion that it's a declaration of my love!"

Wolfram gives Yuuri his best evil glare and Yuuri moves away from him with a look of disconcertion on his face.

"He may be a wimp, but he's my wimp!" Wolfram concedes, kissing Yuuri, who blushes profusely, on the cheek.

Yozak bursts into fresh floods of tears and screeches a series of incoherent noises.

"What did he say?" asks Wolfram.

"After that time Heika went off gallivanting instead of doing his magisterial duties and I had to fill his place, listening to the citizens complain about their love lives, I have learned to translate the cries of the lovesick," Gwendal replies.

Yozak continues to squeal incoherently.

"Roughly translated, he said: I can't bear to be around this loved up couple! Conrad, why don't you love me?! I worked out to get these superbly sculpted biceps for you and you don't even notice! Blah blah blah…Knitting is the most macho thing ever and is in no way an indication of a warped childhood, a mother complex or an actual emotional side," Gwendal says.

"Gwendal, even Yuuri didn't believe Yozak said that last part," Wolfram replies.

Yuuri gives Wolfram his best attempt at an evil look, which is not particularly esteemed amongst the judges of the Annual Mazoku Glower Award – Gwendal has one this award an innumerable number of years in a row.

"Ah, it was worth a shot," Gwendal says, smiling before resuming his renowned evil glower.

Yozak finally regains composure.

"Where is my beloved Conrad anyway?" he asks.

"Oh, Yuuri and I told him there was a "Guys Who Make Dubious Jokes About Alaska and Looked Better with Their Old Haircut" convention in the main city," says Wolfram "he's on his way now."

"Won't he be disappointed when he gets there and there's no-one else there?" asks Yozak.

"No, we paid Dorcas and his friends to dress up and pretend they also share a passion for supposedly "amazing" jokes."

"Dorcas has friends?" Yozak asks, looking flabbergasted.

"I was surprised too. They're actually members of his "Bald Mazoku Guys Who Used to Have Even Worse Haircuts and Have Been Accused Of Having Stubbly Heads" club. They meet on Wednesday s."

"Back to the actual point of this meeting," says Yuuri, "what are we going to do about Yozak?"

"I have to tell him straight. All my life I've been trying to get his attention by wearing a sweatband into battle or these extremely attractive bandage socks. The only reason I got the job dressing as Miss Biceps was for him – he's really into…"

"I DON'T WANT TO KNOW!" scream Wolfram, Gwendal and Yuuri simultaneously.

"Fine, I won't tell you, but I do need to confess my undying love for him."

"On a slightly unrelated point, where do you live anyway Yozak?" Gwendal inquires.

" I can't tell you, but there is absolutely no truth in the rumour that I hide in the tower opposite Conrad's room and watch everything he does. No truth whatsoever. Shifty look, shifty look!" Yozak says in an attempt at being sly.

"One: I did not want to know that either. Two: that would work better if you didn't say "shifty look"," Gwendal replies.

"Really?" pipes up Günter, "You watch Conrad from a tower? I do the same to Heika! Oh…such a beautiful body!"

Günter lapses into a dream-like trance again, mumbling "Heika" every so often and squirting blood all over the floor from his nose. Gwendal tries to combat his extreme unease at these various revelations by taking out his knitting, Yuuri shudders and Wolfram lunges at Günter.

"He's my Heika!" Wolfram screams.

"Wolfram, he can't hear you," Yuuri points out.

They all look at Günter, who mumbles a little more, flicking his hair like a fangirl.

"Anyway…" says Yuuri, "back to the main point – how are you going to convince Conrad you love him. He seems pretty oblivious right now despite your obvious advances, like jumping out of his birthday cake dressed as Miss Biceps."

"You're one to talk, Yuuri," retorts Wolfram, "I used the word love in conjunction with our relationship a million times, I said I'd die for you, I kissed you and you still didn't get it!"

"I'm sorry."

"How did you actually get him to realise?" Yozak asks, looking expectantly at Wolfram.

"I decided to organise a ceremony for that weird Earth tradition "Valentine's Day". I put rose petals and baseball related things everywhere and then made a list called "Things I Find Kawaii About You". Then I locked him in the room with me and read the list to him," sighs Wolfram, with a look of nostalgia on his face.

"And I finally realised when he read the last thing on the list to me through a megaphone – "Kawaii no. 566. The fact that you haven't yet realised I'm in love with you"."

Yuuri and Wolfram look dreamily at each other, holding hands.

"Anyway…" Gwendal begins, now knitting a tea-cosy that says "KNITTERS DO IT 24/7", "You could announce it in public – that might get the point across."

"That's a good idea, but you can't use a megaphone because _I_ did that," says Wolfram.

"You could try planting a message in that flower Conrad Stands Upon the Earth," suggests Yuuri.

"I already did that," sighs Yozak, "but Ryan's panda dug through the soil so instead of saying "YOZAK LOVES CONRAD", it looked more like "YO C-RAD". Conrad still thinks he has a very flamboyant stalker."

"If only there was another way…"

On cue, Anissina leaps into the room, accompanied by Greta, wheeling an exceedingly frightful contraption behind her.

"Introducing the "Maryoku Conveying Stuff Kun"," Anissina bellows.

"Tada!" Greta chimes in.

Wolfram, Gwendal, Yuuri and Yozak peer at the bizarre invention before them; Günter continues to mumble. The Kun is actually just a box with a screen with soe rather unnecessary sharp protrusions.

"That looks like that "TV" thing Yuuri has on Earth," says Wolfram.

"It can't be as good as my invention – you simply stand in front of the sister invention – the "Maryoku Converting Stuff to be Conveyed Kun" – turn both of them on and you appear on this screen, for whoever's watching to see and hear!" Anissina announces.

"Does it work?" Yozak asks apprehensively.

"What do you mean does it work? Of course it does!" booms Anissina, pressing the button to turn the machine on, only to be confronted with an abundance of purple smoke and a whirring sound that fades into the distance.

"Well, maybe there are a few things that need sorting out. To the laboratory! Experiments Ahoy!"

Anissina and Greta sprint out again, leaving the others looking decidedly bemused.

"You know," says Yuuri, "if that invention actually works, we could use it to help Yozak!"

"Really? No!" Yozak replies sardonically.

They all descend into thought, except Günter, who squeaks "Heika!", blood squirting from his nose once more.


	2. Chapter 2: Yehak is born

Chapter II

Many nosebleeds, Yozak shrieks and ominous bursts of purple smoke later. The Maryoku Conveying Stuff Kun was ready.

"So if we record a message using the Maryoku Converting Stuff to Be Conveyed Kun, we can broadcast it to Conrad using the Maryoku Conveying Stuff Kun!" Yuuri exclaims.

It is their next "Yozak and Conrad Lovefest Discussion" meeting. Gwendal has taken Conrad shopping at the Knitting Needles and Swords Rock My Socks Emporium.

"But what is Yozak actually going to say and how are we supposed to get Conrad to watch the screen?" Wolfram asks.

"He does have rather a short attention span – maybe we should use bright colours, like Yozak's hair," Yuuri replies.

"And you guys can be in it, for moral support and generally to get the point across," Yozak says, in between combing Günter's curse-banishing hair gloss into his locks and the occasional Conrad-fuelled sob.

Wolfram produces two pairs of Bob-style shades which he and Yuuri put on. Günter mumbles "Heika!" again.

"Is he actually going to help?" asks Yozak.

"No," Wolfram admits, "but even when threatened with my amorous wrath, he climbed in through the window."

"To the point of the matter," Yuuri says decisively, in the style of that time when he made everyone call him Chief and generally made a fool of himself "we need to think…"

Many hours of pacing back and forth with studious Gwendal-style frowns on their foreheads – except Günter, who crawls around on the floor after Yuuri, trying to see up his trouser leg – later.

"I have it!" Yuuri exclaims, "We should convey it through song! On Earth, we're always using songs to tell people with a limited grasp on life's complexities stuff they otherwise wouldn't listen to."

"By people with a limited grasp on life's complexities you mean you?" Wolfram teases.

"Shut up!"

"You failed you Earth History Test!"

"How do you know about that?" Yuuri asks, looking bewildered.

Yozak pipes up: "Because very little ever happens when you aren't here – which has nothing whatsoever to do with us being in a TV show (shifty look, shifty look) – we print anything we can on the front page of the Mazoku times."

Yozak holds up a copy of an old issue of the newspaper – which happens to be right next to him, in true TV style – and Yuuri reads the headline: "MAOU YUURI THE KAWAII IS JUST A PRETTY FACE – INTERVIEW WITH BROTHER SHIBUYA (CALL ME ONII-CHAN) SHORI".

"I did write headline "YOZAK CONFESSES LOVE FOR CONRAD" once," Yozak continues "but Conrad was more interested in the fact that we printed his "hilarious" joke and didn't notice."

He stifles a lovesick sob.

"There, there," Yuuri says, patting Yozak consolingly on the shoulder, "but we can't dwell on this – we must take action! We need lyrics! We need instruments! To the drawing board!"

Yuuri marches out of the room decisively, followed by Günter, who is still crawling after him.

"He's not going to get all weird again like that him he wrote "What Will You Do Yuuri?" on the wall, is he?" Wolfram asks.

Yuuri's head appears round the door again as he cries "Call Me Chief!"

"Oh dear," sighs Yozak.

A flash of pink light appears as Wolfram and Yozak hear Yuuri's Maou-mode voice bellowing from outside: "I am the Magistrate of Love! I am compassionate but may kill some people if I really have to!"

"Oh, that's even worse!" Wolfram says, "Quick, stop him before he seers that sign for "Justice" into the carpet again."

Yozak and Wolfram exit the room quickly, only to see a blazing globe of magenta light leaving through the window and find the carpet burned with the "Justice" sign, surrounded by flashing Valentine's hearts, with Günter swooning in the middle.

"Okay…maybe we'll have to think of a plan on our own…"

"Yozak, what you need is a makeover – we want you to be you, but a new, better you!" Wolfram says, marching up and down the room whilst Yozak sits looking bewildered with curlers in his hair.

"Wolfram, don't you think you're getting a bit carried away…" Yuuri says hesitantly

"No, I'm just the only one of us with any sense of style. Now, we know Conrad likes redheads, so that's fine." Wolfram begins but is interrupted by Yuuri.

"I don't even want to know how you know that," Yuuri replies, shuddering.

Wolfram ignores Yuuri completely and returns to his monologue as Yozak's stylist: "You can keep the tunic because it shows off your as you said "splendidly sculptured" biceps and I don't know about the bandage socks but…"

"Oh, I couldn't possibly take them off – I'm very self-conscious about my calves."

"You dress as a woman half the time!" Yuuri replies, exasperated.

"Yes, but I always wear stockings," Yozak says coyly.

"Maybe we need to get you a new personality, like Yuuri's Maou-mode – someone people listen to…" Wolfram continues.

Wolfram looks thoughtfully into the distance and Yuuri and Yozak observe him expectantly. Suddenly, his eyes light up as an idea springs forth from out of the blue.

"I have it!" Wolfram calls out, a look of triumph on his face. A candle appears, suspended above his head.

"Yozak," Yuuri says slowly, leaning over, "why is there a candle above Wolfram's head."

"We don't have what you call "electricity" in this world, so we use candles instead of "light bulbs"."

"God, everything's so literal in this world," Yuuri sighs.

"Shhhh! I have an idea!" Wolfram says, "From now on, Yozak, you will be…Yehak!"

"What the hell?" Yuuri asks.

"It may take some explaining," Wolfram replies, "but, gentlemen, I think I have a plan."


	3. Chapter 3: Mysterious Conrad

Chapter III

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Those who are unfamiliar with Monty Python or the "lyrical stylings" of Peter Andre or have not yet seen the second ova may find some of this a little hard to understand. But hey, hopefully it's funny anyway.**

One week later.

Yuuri walks into the Maou's office where Conrad is sitting, perusing a copy of the Mazoku Times.

"Conrad?" Yuuri asks.

Conrad jumps up. "I'm working – I am in no way reading Gwendal's knitting pattern exposé! ...Oh, it's only you, Yuuri, I thought it was someone with an actual work ethic coming to chastise me. What was it you wanted?"

"Well…" Yuuri begins, "You know on Earth there's a festival for the…er…forty-second day of sunshine every year-"

He breaks off as he is interrupted by Conrad: "Really? There wasn't when I was there."

"Well you obviously weren't there on the right day," Yuuri replies, becoming exasperated due to his own lack of mendacious ability and Conrad's inquisitive nature.

"But it's not in Günter's almanac of "Weird Earth Festivals and Traditions We Mazoku Don't Get and Never Will" – are you sure this festival exists?"

"Yes! Very sure! Now-"

He is interrupted once more by Conrad: "Is it celebrated everywhere or just in Japan?"

"It's international," Yuuri replies, through gritted teeth.

"But what if there aren't forty-two days of sunshine in a year?"

"Look, I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition!"

Suddenly the members of the Monty Python group jump out from behind the wall wearing scarlet ecclesiastical robes and screeching: "No-one expects the Spanish Inquisition!"

Conrad and Yuuri stare at them, utterly dumbfounded, as the Pythons look around, understanding dawning on their faces.

"Sorry, wrong TV show," they say in unison and troop out.

There is a pause before either of them speaks again.

"Anyway…" Yuuri continues "Never mind about the festival's legitimacy, I just came to give you a present for the…er… "Sunshine 42 Festival" which I have mysteriously never mentioned before, which in no way means that I just made it up, shifty look, shifty look…"

"You're giving me a present? Cool! What is it?"

Yuuri whistles and Wolfram and Yozak enter on cue, wheeling the Maryoku Conveying Stuff Kun into the room with game show smiles on their faces.

"What the hell is that?"

"Just watch."

Wolfram turns the Kun on and suddenly Cheri appears on the screen in a horrifically revealing and gaudy cerise gown, with a rhinestone tiara balanced on her head. She acts as presenter in the surreal scene that is to follow.

"Introducing the best new show in town," she simpers, "it's what you've been waiting for…Presenting the birth of the Yehak Channel!"

Suddenly the scene changes to the set of a music video, except Mazoku-style. The camera shakes a lot and the sound is rather distorted but Conrad doesn't notice as the bizarre spectacle unfolds on the screen before him.

Yozak stands in the middle of a dark glade flooded with candlelight and smoke from Günter's "smoke-machine" – basically an excuse for him to brew his random and deeply dubious purple potion to create a smoke effect.

Since he is dressed as his pop persona "Yehak", Yozak wears a Zorro mask to hide his identity. The introduction music begins as Yuuri starts to play the Mateki to the tune of Peter Andre's "Mysterious Girl" and Yozak (or "Yehak") starts to shimmy.

Wolfram and the thieves from the second ova (the ones who look like extras from a 1970s flashback who are still serving their three-month public service sentence for trying and failing to steal stuff and later making offensive remarks about Yozak's biceps) dance in the background throughout. Gwendal accompanies on the drums, which he plays with knitting needles instead of drumsticks.

When the introduction finishes, the glade is flooded with bright light as Yozak rips off his shirt to stand, in cut-off breeches and bandage socks, underneath a waterfall created by Yuuri's masterful Mateki-playing.

Yozak continues to dance underneath the waterfall, the camera occasionally zooming in on his biceps as he sings:

"OOOOOH MYSTERIOUS CONRAD!

I WANNA GET CLOSE TO YOU!..."

"Conrad…I've heard that name somewhere," Conrad muses.

"It's your name," Yuuri replies heatedly, "Yozak is singing about you."

"That's Yozak?!" Conrad exclaims, looking flabbergasted as he points at the shimmying figure on the screen "He looks so different! Thanks Yozak, this is a great "Sunshine 42 Festival" present."

Conrad smiles at Yozak, who looks close to tears at his lack of understanding.

"There, there," Gwendal says, gruffly patting him on the shoulder in an attempt tp sustain his manly bravado whilst also seeming vaguely consoling.

When the video finishes, Conrad stands and says: "Thanks guys, that was a great present."

He shimmies off, whistling "Mysterious Conrad" as he goes.

"At least we got him to watch it," Yuuri says, "and you know the saying: if at first you don't succeed, try again with more Maryoku."

Günter suddenly pops up from behind them all, blood dripping from his nose, and squeals: "That was wonderful! Heika was hot but…That Yehak…Sublime! Such fiery hair! You don't know where I could find him, do you?"

Wolfram points down the corridor and Günter scampers off in search of the elusive pop-star.

"Do you think he listened to anything we said during those meetings?" Yuuri asks.

"Judging by the number of times he shrieked "Heika" and the nosebleed count, no. I just sent him that way to get rid of him," Wolfram replies.

At this point, the Pythons appear in the doorway again.

"We've been stuck here for half an hour. Could you direct us to the BBC in the 1970s?"

Wolfram points to a vortex in the wall labelled "BBC 1970s – BEWARE THE HAIR!".

"Thanks. Cheerio!" The Pythons reply, crawling through the vortex.

"I didn't know that vortex was there," Yuuri says, looking bemused..

"Maybe you weren't there in the episode when we got it installed," Wolfram replies, only to be kicked by Gwendal and continue "Oh yeah…I mean maybe you weren't there _at the time_ – no references to episodes, TV or animé whatsoever…shifty look, shifty look…"

"Don't worry Yozak, we'll think of something," Yuuri says, patting Yozak, who has reverted into a foetal position on the floor and is sobbing quietly, on the shoulder.

"I have it! The Yehak Campaign!" Wolfram exclaims, a candle appearing above his head once more, only to be accidentally snuffed out by Gwendal.

"Sorry Wolfram. Dorcas!" Gwendal calls

Dorcas enters with a lighted splint and relights the candle.

"So what about this campaign?" Yozak asks.

"Well," Wolfram begins, "what we do is…"


	4. Chapter 4: Sadness and Gladness

Chapter IV

Two months later.

Murata Ken, recently appointed Yehak's manager, sits in a schnazzy new office sorting through the paperwork necessary for the organisation of "Yehak Live – Yehak in Concert!" – an eagerly awaited event for all Mazoku. All around him, a number of Maryoku Conveying Stuff Kuns (which are now nationwide in Shin Makoku, the citizens being constantly entertained by the "wonders" of the Yehak Channel) play infomercials for various Yehak Brand products such as the Yehak coin-sorter, amongst other pieces of inane merchandise. Presently, he rings a bell and his secretary enters the room.

"Hi babe!" he says with a cheesy businessman smile.

"My name is Miss Moneycoinoflittlevalue," the blonde woman replies with a stony face.

"That's a little hard to pronounce, I'll just call you "babe", unless you'd prefer "Sexy Queen"?" he says, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

She sighs and, ignoring his advances, continues: "What was it you wanted?"

"Oh…er…yes," Murata mumbles, adopting a business-like tone, "I wanted you to send this message by homing pigeon to the Yehak Orchestral Centre. We're adding Yehak's new song, "Conrad is All Around Me" to the bill for Yehak Live."

He hands her a sealed scroll.

"Well, if that's all, I'll be leaving then," Miss Moneycoinoflittlevalue replies nonchalantly.

She begins to walk towards the door.

"No! Don't leave!" Murata calls, "I…er…wanted to…show you something…"

She turns around and he points to a doll at the side of his desk, a perfect likeness of Yozak, except wearing his "Yehak" Zorro mask and a glittery purple disco suit and platforms.

"I have to show you the new Yehak Disco Doll. It's Maryoku powered and it plays three different songs: "Mysterious Conrad", "I Wanna Dance with Sir Weller" and "The Way Conrad Looks Tonight"," he says, turning on the doll, which begins to shimmy to exceedingly cheesy music.

Miss Moneycoinoflittlevalue sighs once more and says: "Look, Mr Murata or "Big Ken" as you told me to call you – these sexual advances you keep making are getting in the way of business. You call me in here ten times an hour to carry out inane errands and frankly, you're a nice young man, but I'm NOT INTERESTED!"

Murata attempts a pretence of shock, but fails badly. "_Me_ coming on to _you_? Listen babe, you're the one who's been making the advances – you've wanted to land this playa ever since you started here…But who am I to disregard a lady's request? I'm willing to take this relationship further if you really want and you know you do! So, how about it? Come over here and sit on Big Ken's knee!"

"I'm leaving now," Miss Moneycoinoflittlevalue replies, turning once more to leave the room.

"No!" Murata cries, "You have to…er…bring me a new pen!"

"You have one right next to you," she replies.

Murata looks to his left and sees the pen, which he promptly throws out of the window.

"No I haven't – no pen here, shifty look, shifty look…"

"There's another pen in the top drawer of your desk – I'll be leaving now to have this message sent."

Murata sweeps his stationery and papers off his desk, leaps up onto it and lies with his head resting on his elbows in a swimwear model pose with his eyebrows raised suggestively.

"You know you want it!"

Miss Moneycoinoflittlevalue shakes her head and leaves the room without looking back.

"She'll be back," he says to himself.

He catches sight of his won reflection in the mirror across the room and gives himself a thumbs up, saying: "Score!"

Later that day.

Yozak enters the Maou's office to find Wolfram and Yuuri standing waiting for him, the latter looking very eager.

"You called for me?" Yozak asks, a note of despondence in his voice.

"Yes!" cries Yuuri, with an expectant look on his face.

Before he can say more, he is interrupted by Wolfram: "Yuuri I really don't think Yozak's interested in your suggestion. The concert's tonight and Yozak has to prepare for the speech he's going to make at the finale – if he actually says the words "I love you", Conrad might finally get the picture."

"No!" Yuuri continues, "This suggestion is too good to miss!"

"What is it?" Yozak asks.

"It's an idea for a new instrument for your line-up. Introducing the leg-xylophone!"

"What?"

Yozak looks suitably disconcerted as Yuuri pushes Wolfram into a nearby chair and produces Anissina's latest invention for the Yehak Campaign, The Maryoku Making Sound Louder Kun, which is basically a microphone but once again with some unnecessary sharp protrusions. He then sets the Kun down by Wolfram's knee and drums his fingers along Wolfram's thigh like beaters on a xylophone. A light tapping sound is heard from The Maryoku Making Sound Louder Kun. Wolfram shrugs at Yozak to show that he is equally bemused by his husband's behaviour.

"Er…that's great Yuuri, but the er…"leg-xylophone" doesn't really make any sound," Yozak says carefully.

Yuuri at once looks very hurt, saying "I thought it was a wonderful instrument,", clearly unaware of his lack of musical aptitude.

"Yuuri, Yozak's not saying he won't consider your instrument, he just has a lot on his mind right now," Wolfram says consolingly.

"Fine," Yuuri retorts, still sulking.

Wolfram sighs and rolls his eyes and continues: "Don't worry Yozak, I'm sure Conrad will get it this time. We'll be there for moral support too."

"Talking of the concert," Yuuri pipes up, forgetting his sulk and adopting an excited tone, "I've decided I like your matchy-matchy idea and got Gwendal to knit us both "I'M HIS" T-shirts to show our love!"

Yuuri produces two T-shirts from out of nowhere, with "I'M HIS" and arrows on them.

"Awww, you're so kawaii!" Wolfram replies, leaning over and Eskimo-kissing Yuuri.

Yozak looks pained.

Suddenly Conrad enters the room.

"Hi Yozak! Can I talk to you?" Conrad asks, looking slightly awkward.

"Yuuri, you…er…remember that thing we have to do?" Wolfram asks pointedly.

"What?" Yuuri asks, looking dazed.

Wolfram sighs and drags Yuuri out of the room by the wrist, calling behind him: "Yuuri has lots of paperwork to finish before the concert, which is in no way a lame cover-up to give you two time alone, shifty look, shifty look…"

The door closes and Conrad and Yozak are left alone. There is silence except for the sound of Günter, now a firm devotee of Yehak, singing "Knowing Me, Knowing Conrad" as he walks along the corridor.

"What did you want to talk to me about?" Yozak asks.

"Yozak, I know those Yehak songs are about me and I know why. I've known all along, I just didn't want to acknowledge it. I know how you feel about me and I feel the same way. I've loved you for a long time Yozak…but I can't be with you. I'm not…over Julia…I have some things I have to deal with."

Conrad averts his eyes from Yozak. Both look pained.

"And I know, if I let myself get involved and it didn't work out, I could never forgive myself. I don't want to lose you," Conrad continues, close to tears.

"But…" Yozak says, but trails off when he fails to find words.

"No buts Yozak – no matter how much it hurts, we can't be together."

Conrad turns to leave, but quickly turns back again. He moves towards Yozak and kisses him quickly and passionately on the lips. He then breaks away and walks slowly out of the room, leaving Yozak looking distraught.

"Good luck with the concert. Goodbye…" Conrad calls as he leaves.

"I love you" Yozak says quietly, but just a little too late.


	5. Chapter 5: Yehak Live!

Chapter V

**Author's Note: Sorry for the wait to anyone who's still reading this, I was v busy. I hope people enjoy this next chapter. It's the penultimate one.**

Chapter V

The avidly awaited event of "Yehak Live" is upon us. A stage has been set up in that random field where Yuuri et al fought against Stoffel and his army. In front of the stage, a crowd of hysterical fans is waiting for the show to begin. Some are wearing "YEHAK ROCKS MY SOCKS" T-shirts. Dorcas has set up a semi-illegal kiosk selling these T-shirts, except with "YEHAK" crossed out and "DORCAS" scrawled in its place, but has, surprisingly, only sold them to his "Bald Mazoku Guys Who Used to Have Even Worse Haircuts and Have Been Accused Of Having Stubbly Heads" posse. Yehak's most devoted fan, Günter, has decked himself out in full Yehak gear, wearing a tunic and bandage socks with fake biceps and having also dyed his lavender hair bright orange. Wolfram and Yuuri are also amongst the crowd, wearing their "I'M HIS" T-shirts, along with Gwendal.

"Where's Conrad?" Yuuri asks, "If he doesn't get here soon, he'll miss Yozak's speech!"

"Shhh! We're not meant to use his real name, we have to conceal his identity," Gwendal replies, walking up to them wearing his new "SIZE MATTERS – AND MY KNITTING NEEDLE'S LONGER THAN YOURS" T-shirt.

"Oh, sorry, I mean "Yehak" – shifty look, shifty look – no references to anyone named Yozak who happens to look exactly like Yehak except without the mask…"

"Maybe "Yehak" knows where Conrad is – he's probably hiding backstage in the VIP area. If any fans saw him, he'd get mauled due to his connection to Yehak," Wolfram suggests.

"Let's use these VIP passes Gwendal knitted to go backstage and look for him," Yuuri says.

They push through the crowd, making for the VIP area. When they arrive, they see a dressing room door with a glittering star and "YEHAK" written on the front. Yuuri knocks on the door.

"Yozak? I mean…er…"Yehak"?" he calls

Slowly, Yozak opens the door, a despondent look on his face. It is clear that he has been crying. This lachrymose scene is made rather comical by the glitter spray in his hair and the fake eyelashes.

"Er…we were wondering where Conrad was. We thought you might know."

"Conrad isn't coming," Yozak replies.

Gwendal, once again confronted by a show of emotion, looks deeply awkward and, in an attempt at being consoling, pats Yozak on the shoulder, saying "There, there."

"Why isn't he coming?" Wolfram asks, "If he doesn't hear your speech, he'll never know-"

He is interrupted by Yozak: "He already knows, that's what he wanted to talk to me about earlier. He says he doesn't want to lose me and he's not over Julia."

Yozak looks close to tears.

"He's a fool," Yuuri says, "he'll soon realise your perfect for each other."

"No," Yozak replies, "it was now or never. I'm going to announce the end of the Yehak Campaign tonight – there's no point now I know there's no hope for Conrad and me."

"But think of the fans – Günter will be devastated!" Yuuri replies.

"I can't keep on smiling when I'm this sad. Tonight's performance will be the last. Now I don't mean to be rude, but I'd prefer to be left alone right now."

"Okay, if you're sure," Yuuri replies.

They all file out of the room, leaving Yozak sitting in front of the mirror, alone with his thoughts.

Two hours later.

Yozak is on stage dressed in a glittery magenta suit, singing "Isn't Conrad Lovely". This is well received by the crowd, who cheer and sing along, all except for Günter, who is simultaneously weeping, dancing and having a nosebleed. Oddly, Günter's responses to Yehak's lyrical stylings are causing the other fans to give him a rather wide berth.

At the back of the field, a figure slips in quietly, in an attempt at remaining unnoticed, and proceeds to sneak through the crowd. Suddenly, he encounters a familiar person/gorilla-man possessing of chin with mind of its own who often forgets whether or not he likes Shin Makoku.

"Adelbert!" Conrad exclaims in shock (pronouncing the name "Adelberto!" in the style of Yuuri when confronted with the "Mazoku-hating and allied to Big Shimaron" version of Adelbert), partly due to the suddenness of the confrontation and partly due to Adelbert's attire – a Yehak Disco Doll-style cat-suit and platforms with a glittery tiara and sash proclaiming him the winner of the "YEHAK LOOKALIKE COMPETITION".

"Weller, what are you doing here at the back? I thought you'd be at the front in the VIP row. The only reason I'm back here is von Bielfield put my name on a list of people who aren't allowed near Yehak. The only consolation is von Christ is also stuck back here," he replies, pointing to Günter, who is now surrounded by a pool of blood, as he has stopped dancing to simply gaze in wonder at his idol, blood perpetually gushing from his nose.

Conrad laughs and says: "You do know that's just Yozak with a mask on?"

Adelbert and Günter look scandalised.

"How dare you say such things about Yehak? And after he wrote such nice lyrics about you!" Adelbert exclaims.

"I know!" Günter chimes in, "He tried to sell me the same story. But, of course, I was too cunning to fall for such a ridiculous tale."

Conrad sighs at their idiocy and continues: "But their names are practically the same and why would Yehak be singing about me? Yozak is in love with me, so he wrote a series of songs about me and released them under the pop persona of "Yehak"."

"How do you know Yehak's not writing about some other Conrad?" Günter retorts.

"How do you explain "I Wanna Dance with Sir Weller" then?" Conrad replies.

Günter bursts into tears and mumbles incoherently as Adelbert pats him on the shoulder comfortingly, saying "Now look what you did!"

Conrad produces his copy of "Gwendal's Guide to Translating the Incoherent Speech of the Lovesick.".

"I believe what he said was: "It's so unfair! Why does Yehak love Conrad – he's so non-kawaii! I gave up Heika for Yehak and I sent him bushels of fan mail and I even wrote him a song and yet he still has this fixation with Conrad!". Günter, that song you wrote was just Yehak's song "Shall I Compare Conrad to a Summer's Day" with "Yehak" in place of "Conrad" – you didn't really write it," Conrad says.

Günter screams at this accusation and faints into the arms of Adelbert, who soothes him with the words: "Don't worry, my fellow Yehakite, we must stick together and form a united front against those who take our idol for granted!"

With that, Adelbert scoops Günter into his arms and carries him towards the "Emergency Aid for Fans Who Have: Been Mauled in a Dispute Over Yehak / Lost Considerable Amounts of Blood Due to the Amazing Yehak's Supreme Hotness / Sustained Any Other Yehak-related Injuries" tent.

Conrad stares after the mismatched couple with a bemused look on his face. Suddenly, the last song comes to a close and all eyes are drawn towards Yozak as a pink glittery spotlight falls on him and Anissina's new invention, The Maryoku Let's Play Superfast Dress-up with Yehak Kun – a machine that helps Yehak execute lightning speed costume changes on set – is wheeled onto the stage. In a split-second, Yozak has changed into a Cabaret-style corset and suspenders with yellow and purple striped hose with violet glass slippers and a black silk top hat. He is now in his occasional speech outfit and is holding a Maryoku Making Sound Louder Kun.

"I have an announcement to make!" Yozak says.

His remark is greeted by an awed gasp from the audience.

Günter, who was up until this point unconscious from shock, suddenly springs to life and runs out of the "Emergency Aid for Fans Who Have: Been Mauled in a Dispute Over Yehak / Lost Considerable Amounts of Blood Due to the Amazing Yehak's Supreme Hotness / Sustained Any Other Yehak-related Injuries" tent, wearing a most unflattering backless hospital gown which leaves rather too little to the imagination and screaming:

"Wait for me, my darling! I'm damned if I'm going to miss Yehak's display of supreme eloquence just because of a lack of consciousness!"

Günter is closely followed by Adelbert. The two "Yehakites" stand hand in hand, alert to their idol's every word. Conrad watches Yozak closely, his heart beginning to beat faster.

"Over these past few months, I know my singing has brought Mazoku kind great joy and I have enjoyed a fruitful career. However, I, Yehak, must announce that tonight will be my last concert," Yozak says, with a great deal of sadness in his voice, the various reactions being gasps, lamentations and, in the case of Günter, the necessitation of another trip to the oh-so-succinctly-named tent.

"Following a recent confrontation with Conrad, I have realised that, as he can never love me, I can neither write songs, nor sing no more. I have lost my inspiration and therefore, I must end my career-" Yozak's solemn speech is suddenly interrupted by a voice from the back of the field.

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" screams Conrad.

Yuuri watches as Conrad runs in slow motion, slightly Baywatch style, towards the stage, saying to Wolfram: "First the candle over the head thing and now this! Is everything in this world so literal?"

"Conrad?! Is that you?" Yozak calls as he runs forward to meet him.

Various members of the crowd gasp and/or faint at the sight of one so intimately connected to their beloved Yehak. Others proceed to maul the "one who claims all of Yehak's love and doesn't leave any for the vehement members of the Yehak's Stalkers Association".

Despite the violence inflicted upon him, Conrad reaches the front of the stage to stand before Yozak.

In response to the Yehak's Stalkers Association's obviously imminent attempt at assassinating Conrad using Maryoku as well as the various superfluous sharp protrusions on the products of the Yehak Brand range (all, of course, designed by Anissina), Yozak cries: "Do you dare smite Conrad? Be gone, ones who have gone against Yehak's will!"

The Association withdraw, looking terribly ashamed and begin to quietly bemoan their extreme audacity.

"Conrad, why are you here?"

"Yozak – I mean shifty look, shifty look "_Yehak_" – I can't bear to be without you! Everything I said was really stupid – I didn't mean any of it, I was just afraid of commitment. But this time, I'm ready to give myself to the person I love! I know you're not a noble, but, who cares!" Conrad finishes his dramatic speech by slapping Yozak across the cheek.

"And now, in this bizarre Earth tradition, in honour of King Yuuri, I'm going to get down on one knee and produce this bizarrely ostentatious ring in an expression of my love and the eternity for which I hope it will endure. Yo…Yehak, will you marry me?"

"Yes! I will! I love you Conrad"

Conrad and Yozak start making out and a Yehak Brand screen has to be lowered across the stage before the scene becomes X-rated. Certain fans cheer, others faint and have to be rushed to the back-up "Medical Treatment for Unconsciousness and Blood Loss Due to the Recent Display of Yorad Love" tent which has been uncannily quickly assembled.

Yuuri, somehow having acquired a cheerleader outfit in the last fifteen seconds, begins to cheer: "Give me a "Y"! Give me an "O"! Give me an "R"! Give me an "A"! Give me a "D"! YORAD!"

Wolfram turns to him and says, "For someone who was so against guys being together when he first came here, could you get any gayer?"

"I could if you wanted," Yuuri replies, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

"I do like the cheerleader outfit, particularly the pigtails. What do you say we follow the happy couple's lead and make off?"

Wolfram picks Yuuri up in his arms and moves through the crowd to the "Yuuram Lovefest" tent.

"When did that tent get here?" Yuuri asks.

"Er…maybe you just didn't notice it earlier. Shifty look, shifty look – no references to lack of continuity in anime which we are in no way in…"

They enter the tent and, true to Shin Makoku's literal nature, Yehak's song "Conrad, Let's Get it On!" begins to play from nowhere in particular.

Günter, who woke up in the midst of the hubbub is now being soothed by Adelbert, who appears to have rather amorous attentions towards his fellow Yehakite, which he expresses through his "soothing and consoling" shoulders and no other part of the body in any way massage.

Murata tries in vain to lead Miss Moneycoinoflittlevalue towards his recently assembled "Big Ken x His Sexy Queen Receptionist Lovefest" tent. She is, surprisingly, not persuaded by his romantic efforts and kicks him in the "stomach".

Gwendal calls to those few around him who are neither unconscious nor engaged in erotic conduct, says: "Do I get to knit the bridesmaids' dresses?"


	6. Chapter 6: Pink Pandemonium

Chapter VI

Chapter VI

One month, numerous dresses knitted and altered by Gwendal, many nosebleeds, many oh-so-succinctly named and suddenly appearing tents, interviews with The Mazoku Times, countless matrimonially related devices – with many unnecessary sharp protrusions – invented by Anissina, innumerable "shifty look, shifty look"s, incalculable sabotage attempts by Adelbert and Günter (or as they now call themselves, the "Let's Sabotage the Yorad Wedding" agency) and many situations having necessitated censorship by way of a Yehak Brand all-purpose screen later.

Finally the glorious day of the Yorad nuptials is here! The sun is shining, birds are singing – Anissina has even invented the new Maryoku-God-Those-Bad-Omen-Birds-Sound-Bloody-Awful-Let's-Convert-Their-Bawlings-to-the-Far-Pleasanter-Lyrical-Stylings-of-The-Amazing-Yehak-Using-this-Oh-So-Succinctly-Named-Invention-Not-Forgetting-the-Customary-Superfluous-Sharp-Protrusions-Kun –and practically everything in sight is a vibrant cherry blossom hue, which is in no way Yozak's doing. In fact, the only reason the bad omen birds are screeching is that they have been blinded by the profusion of pink glitter on everything in sight.

The water in the castle fountains has been replaced with cherryade and enchanted to make the surface form holograms showing different cheesy nostalgic pictures from Conrad and Yozak's past, depending on the angle from which the fountains are observed. Murata has dyed his ebony tresses a rather shocking shade of fuchsia, seemingly in an attempt to attract the females amongst the guests, namely Miss Moneycoinoflittlevalue, who has, surprisingly, not been swayed by this romantic effort. His Majesty Shinou – somehow reincarnated once more, despite the fact that he should be dead but let's not point that out – is also present, decked out in full ceremonial magenta robes, with a matching streak in his blond hair.

Yuuri and Wolfram are the principle bridesmaids, wearing dresses modelled on Wolfram's frilly baby pink nightdress. Gwendal was at first reluctant to join their ranks and embrace his inner drag queen but was soon persuaded by the pink bearbees, who have recently formed a great bond with Yozak due to their similar taste in colours. Communication is difficult due to the bearbees' inability to say anything other than "Nogisu!", but they persevere by conveying their thoughts through effeminate gestures. All the groomsmen are dressed in pale pink suits with tailcoats and top hats.

It is a few minutes before the ceremony is due to start and Conrad is waiting at the foot of The Tree i.e. that tree where everything happens in those flashbacks to about 4000 years ago when Shinou and the Great Sage have conversations that are in no way homoerotic. He is dressed similarly to the other men present, but his tailcoat is a deeper shade of cerise and his top hat gleams with an overload of diamante – needless to say Wolfram and Yuuri are protecting their eyes with their matching Bob-style shades, except in pink, of course. Conrad's buttonhole also contains a special flower – a new species bred by his mother called "Eternal Yorad" – which is, of course, pink, but with orange flecks, mimicking the shade of Yozak's hair.

"Is it just me," Wolfram asks "or are there no female bridesmaids at this wedding?"

"No," Gwendal replies, "Flurin-san's over there – she's a bridesmaid too."

Wolfram looks ready to begin his customary "Hear Me All Beings Who Dwell In Flame" speech as he seethes "Yuuri! Was this your doing?"

"No!" Yuuri squeals, attempting not to look wimpy and frightened, a failure which is not helped by the sugar-pink bows in his ebony hair, "I didn't invite her – honestly! Besides, you look much prettier in that dress than she does!"

Wolfram looks slightly mollified, and stops summoning his fire-pals, yet he still mutters "Hennachoko" under his breath.

"In fact, you look so good, I might even build us a "Yuuram Cosplay Lovefest Tent" later and we can slip away early," Yuuri says with a suggestive look on his face.

"Well," Wolfram says, "I am wearing lace garters…"

Gwendal clears his throat and says, "One: I'm your brother and don't you think it's slightly inappropriate to be engaging in such outright innuendo so near me. Two: Yozak has been sighted drawing near – get into positions. Three: there will be no questions about the crimson hue on my cheeks – it is no way the cause of the presence of those ULTRA-KAWAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII! (coughs) – excuse me – pink bearbees but instead due to Yozak insisting on me wearing rouge, shifty look, shifty look – I think I covered that one up well – I mean…er…that's the complete truth, shifty look, shifty look – into positions now before I adopt my esteemed nine years running winner of the Annual Mazoku Glower Award evil glare! Now!"

Everybody shuffles into position, just in time for Yozak's arrival. Suddenly, Yehak and C-Rad's (Conrad's new pop persona name as he and Yozak have now released a collaboration album) rap version of the Mazoku national anthem begins to play. It runs like this (imagine beat box in the background):

"Yo, this is C-Rad in da house!

Let me introduce my soon-to-be spouse!

Yo this is Yehak here!

With me and my man you ain't got nothin' to fear!

_(Chorus Together)_

Yo, let's here it for Shin Makoku –

These peeps got lots of damn good Maryoku!

Yeah, let's here it for Yuuri Heika!

Let me see you dance – I know you're a shaker!..."

The entire song runs on for another twenty-two verses, but Yozak only walks up the aisle during the first verse and chorus. I say walk, but he actually flies side-saddle on the back of his ever-faithful sidekick, T-Zou the obese sheep, who pauses to glare at Murata, whom he still recognises as his nemesis, despite the hair. Those who said no more pink could be added to the ceremony were wrong! Yozak is wearing a floor length rose satin gown – with a matching glittery sweatband of course to, as he rather worryingly put it, "entice Conrad" – with "Eternal Yorad" flowers in his fiery hair, complete with a ridiculous amount of hot pink make-up on his face. The dress, thankfully, is cut with bell sleeves which cover his unbelievably un-feminine to say the least arms, but there is a slit on the left side up to mid thigh (inspiration taken from Cheri-sama) which a damask silk stocking and a matching garter. Conrad smiles widely as the music fades and Yozak reaches the tree. T-Zou gives Conrad a quick reproachful look that basically says "don't you dare hurt my darling Yozak or there will be dumpling related consequences". They stand side by side, hands clasped as the ceremony begins.

"I bet your garters are way better than his," Yuuri whispers to Wolfram.

"How soon can we slip away?" Wolfram replies, raising his perfectly groomed eyebrows.

Günter suddenly appears with his new beau – not my word, I assure you, it's just his new way of referring to Adelbert which has rather worryingly kinky undertones, but let's not focus on the images it provokes. They are both dressed in ridiculous imitations of Yozak's (or Yehak as they know him) wedding outfit, which they clearly made themselves from pieces of Günter's bed sheets. Instead of stockings and garters, they are wearing Yehak's famous bandage-socks, except with lilac lace trimming which just does not go in any sense of the word. Both have dyed their hair bright orange once more, except with raspberry streaks to honour the colour scheme of the entire event.

"Günter, Adelbert! What are you doing here? Yo- I mean Yehak has a restraining order on you – how did you get past the guards?" Yuuri asks, an expression of surprise and disapproval on his face.

"By guards, I assume you mean Dorcas and his "Bald Mazokus" posse and it's not exactly hard to elude them," Adelbert replies.

"What happened to the other competent, hair-possessing guards?" Yuuri enquires.

"They all got drunk on the enchanted cherry punch hours ago and passed out. God, for our darling Yehak's wedding, the security is awful!" Günter says, swooning melodramatically as he notices Yehak flashing his trademark smile at Con… – shifty look, shifty look – C-Rad.

"Hey, aren't you guys against this wedding – why did you turn up?" Wolfram asks.

"Well, we've decided to accept Yehak's wishes to get hitched, despite the fact that we believe he should've chosen us, his most devoted followers, who would do anything for Yehak and there are many things we really would like to do to him such as-" Günter replies, before being interrupted by Wolfram and Yuuri who simultaneously yell:

"No! Don't go into detail! We _really_ don't want to know!"

"Fine," Günter continues, "but anyway, we decided to accept the wedding when he decided to marry our gloriously sexy C-Rad as opposed to that dreadfully unattractive soul Conrad!"

Adelbert begins to soothe Günter from his horror at this thought with his patented shoulders – and in no way any other part of the body – massage.

"No! Don't you dare start "massaging" him again – it wasn't a good sight the first time and it isn't now!" Yuuri and Wolfram bellow simultaneously.

"Yuuri – I've just had a thought! Why don't we market ourselves as a team – "The Simultaneously Yelling at People Who are About to Embarrass Everyone Including Themselves by Doing Something Unthinkably Horrifying (Reference Günter Talking About His Sexual Preferences) Whilst Wearing Matching Sunglasses, Colour-Coordinated with the Surroundings" team – catchy, isn't it? But, back to the point of the matter – Günter, Adelbert, I'm afraid I have to break it to you – Conrad and "C-Rad" are the _same person_!" Wolfram declares, almost fainting when he finishes, due to the amount of energy and breath expended in this speech, but being caught by Yuuri.

"Yeah," replies Yuuri, "and Yehak and Yozak are the _same person _too! Look and Conrad – he and C-Rad have exactly the same haircut and physique – the only difference is the Zorro-style mask – I mean..er…shifty look, shifty look – Yehak-style mask. (sigh) Now no-one can sue me for copyright which they _couldn't_ do anyway because we are in no way in anime! Also, Yozak and Yehak's bright orange hair and bandage socks are exactly the same!"

This time it falls to Wolfram – who has now recovered from his swoon – to catch his husband when he falls over after making a ridiculously long speech.

"I don't see your point," Günter replies, "Adelbert? Do you know what they're talking about? They're not the same at all!"

Adelbert shakes his head, showing for the first time the fact that his newly tangerine hair also has a built in holographic message that reads "Yehak's Bitch!".

"Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Gwendal screeches at them, wiping tears from his eyes with a primrose-coloured silk and lace handkerchief, "It's just getting good! I mean er – tearful shifty look, tearful shifty look – let's all look at this display of man-love before I adopt my esteemed nine years running winner of the Annual Mazoku Glower Award evil glare! Now!"

They all turn to look at Yozak and Conrad, who are standing before the "Mazoku Man-love Professing Ceremonies Co-ordinator" (basically just some guy they found wearing a top hat with a flashing sign on it telling people his title who's acting as the registrar).

"How come Gwendal didn't fall over after his long speech?" Yuuri asks Wolfram, voice lowered to avoid Gwendal adopting The Glare.

"He's probably just so touched by the display of man-love," Wolfram whispers back, "but be ready to catch him. Hey, we should definitely add "Catching People When They Faint After Making Overly Long Speeches" to our team name!"

Yuuri fails to reply as the ceremony starts, to quote Gwendal, to "get good".

"I do take thee, Conrad "C-Rad" Sexy-Legs Weller-" Yozak begins, before being interrupted by the "Mazoku Man-love Professing Ceremonies Co-ordinator".

"Could you use his real name please? Sorry, it's for official purposes," the man in the hat asks.

"What do you mean "real name"? Sexy-Legs is his real middle name! Oh, where was I, I do take thee – whatever name I just said – in sickness and in health and all that other crap etcetera etcetera…" Yozak finishes.

"I do take thee Yozak "Yehak" Super-Sexy-Biceps-Drag-Queen Gurriere or Grie…" he looks pointedly at the "Mazoku Man-love Professing Ceremonies Co-ordinator", who makes no interruption this time, "in sickness and in health and all that other crap etcetera etcetera…"Conrad says.

"Wolfram, is that the real Mazoku wedding speech – it seems awfully unromantic? Also, are those Yozak and Conrad's real middle names?" Yuuri asks.

"Yes, it's the real speech – we changed it after Conrad went to Earth to deliver your soul to be like your Earth one, but we Mazokus like to save time, so we cut out all the crap in between! Also, if you think those names are good, you should hear mine…" Wolfram replies, raising his eyebrows at his husband.

"What, what is it?"

Wolfram leans over to whisper in Yuuri's ear. He laughs when he's finished and has seen Yuuri's face.

"Yuuri, is your nose bleeding?" Wolfram asks.

"No! No! – shifty blood-soaked look, shifty blood-soaked look - It's just ketchup!" Yuuri replies.

"Well," the man in the hat proceeds, "without further ado, I now pronounce you Husband and Husband! You may now make out!"

And with that, the happy couple did as they were bid and, as it was a wedding, no Yehak Brand all-purpose screen was used for censorship. Nosebleeds and fainting fits followed.

It had been a good reception, despite the necessitation of another oh-so-succinctly named tent for all the casualties – "The Emergency Aid for Wedding Guests Who Have: Been Mauled in a Dispute Regarding the Fact that they Wish to Marry Yehak and/or C-Rad Themselves / Lost Considerable Amounts of Blood Due to the Amazing Yehak's or Mysterious C-Rad's Supreme Hotness / Passed Out After Drinking Too Much Enchanted Cherry Punch" Tent.

Yuuri and Wolfram had played a quick song on the leg-xylophone, before slipping off early to the aforementioned "Yuuram Cosplay Lovefest Tent". Unfortunately, this meant that they were unavailable to simultaneously shout at Günter and Adelbert when they began to shamelessly slow-dance in front of everyone, likewise in the case of Dorcas and his posse's attempt at karaoke and dancing like normal people.

"Isn't it funny how much has happened in the last few months?" Yozak says to Conrad as they walk off into the sunset – which had been enchanted to only glow pink and no other colours – together "I mean, we've both become critically acclaimed artists and confessed our love to each other and, on a more horrifying note, Günter and Adelbert have got together."

"Yeah, except for Günter and Adelbert's shudderingly oh-so-wrong relationship, it has been a good few months. Particularly our wedding!" Conrad replies, kissing his new husband on the neck.

"It was good wasn't it!" Yozak agrees, before adding, "And I really like my wedding outfit…Now I just can't wait to begin our wedding night!"

Suddenly, a tent appears before them, out of nowhere, with a banner across it reading "The Yorad Marital Privacy to Ensure Utmost Enjoyment of Kinky Wedding Night Lovefest Antics" tent.

"I was hoping that's happen – I'll miss those spontaneously appearing, oh-so-succinctly named tents if they ever go!" Yozak exclaims.

"Shut up and kiss me!" Conrad replies and, when his new bride has complied, he continues, "Now let's go and pour pink champagne over each other whilst I remove that garter with my teeth!"

And without further ado, they did just that…and more!

**THE END!**

**Author's Note: Sorry for the wait to anyone who's actually reading this story – I've been busy with exams. Anyway it is with great sorrow that I end this fic that's kept me amused for so long but, never fear – unless you hated this story, in which case, be terrified – I shall be writing other fics that involve Yehak and continue on from this story in one way or another. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed this story and thanks, of course, to the wonderful Yozak for inspiring this story. Is it a sign of insanity to include fictional characters in speeches of thanks (ones which don't end with the speech-maker falling over, might I add)? Oh well…**


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